You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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