Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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