I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
