I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
