I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just had sex bonerless
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize