hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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