btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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