we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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