Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
