I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
