dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
