will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
