Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we're so committed to being not committed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
