I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
