but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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