Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
