I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
