I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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