people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Houston, we have a blender
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
