hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize