I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
