You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
