I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
