I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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