fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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