saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
