but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
