I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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