I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize