we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
