We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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