I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
