I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
