Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
