just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
