Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
