I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
