its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
