I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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