just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone says I win the strip club
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
not ubering you a puppy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
