oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
