My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
