I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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