I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
