I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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