Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
