We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
