Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
