Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
