I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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