It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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