I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
