someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize