Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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