That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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