Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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