The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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