I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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