What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
