i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
