she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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