I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
