That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
