Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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