Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
