Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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