He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
