Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize