i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
