Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
