How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
