just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
