I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
