i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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