He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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