Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize