I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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