upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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