You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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