she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
