Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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