I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
