grandma shit on top of the toilet
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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