I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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