I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
