the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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