You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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