Got a toothbrush?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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