I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
