Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
