when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
