Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
