I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
