so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
