i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
