I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
