I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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