No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
