THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize