I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
