You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
