You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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