i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
