i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
