My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
