also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
