Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
