Your mouth is God's brothel.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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