Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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