she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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