i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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