He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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