Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
