Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
